Uncategorized – Myshkin Thoughts

SO… NFG

Quiet. I haven’t gone to my job for two days. The worst of all is, I don’t care. I used to close my eyes when things were quiet like this. I would take a bar of chocolate, and begin writing. My hands didn’t tremble. I wasn’t scared of dying in a fire the other day.Continue reading “SO… NFG”

An Empty Snail

It started again. The consuming thing slowly creeped into my brain. It took whatever it could from the little hands of my soul. Explain. Sure, today, the first day of class, people talked about what they want to be and so on. they rummaged about their dreams. they kept talking about how passionate they areContinue reading “An Empty Snail”

A Mind Full of Nada

Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without. Today, I did not seek the light of truth or right way of living in Buddha’s teachings nor questioned the capitalist understanding of meditation. I simply learned mindfulness by using the most essential tool to my existence: breathing. It was my first meditation experience. Why didContinue reading “A Mind Full of Nada”

Becoming A Tornado

Here I am, sitting in my studying+dining+resting chair, thinking about the dream I had tonight. In this universe of my imagination, a tornado was coming into town. I was so close to it, waiting in awe, and it was a tornado you know —doing its tornado thing—destroying everything, scaring people off, turning the trees upsideContinue reading “Becoming A Tornado”

The Moment Kills All

The moment suffocates me. The moment makes me feel guilty of other past and future moments that are ruined. It chases me. What is all that is about the moment that crushes me? Is that the burden of “choice?” What can I do to feel everything is alright about moment? “Enjoy life. There’s plenty ofContinue reading “The Moment Kills All”

Me? An Island

I have been in this city for three years. And now that I look back, I haven’t made any friends. What was the problem? Maybe people were too loud, too phony, too stupid… Was I a determined introvert? No, it wasn’t that. I did not want them around myself. Even when they wanted me aroundContinue reading “Me? An Island”

Happy Birthday Poem

Today is my 21st birthday. I want to leave here a poem by Lord Byron. The main idea of it is “you are getting old, and you will die, here a poem about my dead lover, and that is sad, but gotta accept it you loser.” (no it is not like that. I love thisContinue reading “Happy Birthday Poem”

It Is All in My Head

For the past few days, I feel like I gave up many things I used to craze about. For example, I have stopped being worried about my roommate’s actions or even other people’s. I also realized my social anxiety and disability to fit in. I do not fit in. Yes, it seems like a veryContinue reading “It Is All in My Head”

Crazy Vibes: Cleveland Trip with Thirty 8th Graders

Today I went to a trip, a trip with total number of thirty 8th graders. 8th graders are very interesting in being at beginning of teenage years. I am having very strange times. The trip is from Chicago to New Jersey, yet in our first night we rest in Cleveland. The place we stay isContinue reading “Crazy Vibes: Cleveland Trip with Thirty 8th Graders”

Being a Star of Dust

There are times in our lives where we feel nothing towards anything. Even the most feverish things we have about will disappear, leaving its place to disability of wanting. Then we become more empty but also exist, like a star of dust. In those times of questioning, we desire to be nothing. Besides, energy overcomesContinue reading “Being a Star of Dust”